KEITH NEWBERY Chasing TV stardom left me with a record I didn't want...

In the past few days you may have stumbled across a vaguely familiar face with a vaguely familiar name appearing on The Chase.

Yes, it was me.

I made history on the tea-time quiz show by failing to answer a single question correctly – the first contestant to have achieved this dubious distinction.

The crack of splintering ribs and the whoops of breathless hysteria have been the predominant sounds in our front room for months now since the recording was made.

My abject failure has been a source of much amusement to both family and friends, one of whom has already sent an official-looking letter inviting me to appear on a new quiz show called Are You More Intelligent Than Your Pet?

But let us return, if we must, to the genesis of this sorry tale.

I am one of those who cannot watch a quiz-show without bellowing answers at the screen and then deriding contestants for their ignorance.

It is an annoying trait that eventually drew forth an inevitable response from the other end of the settee: “If you think you’re so clever, why don’t you...”